Widow Wednesday--The fever

My biggest fear when Ray was sick was him dying while I was there alone with him. I knew he was going to die, but I had this fear of him dying and I not knowing what to do. They don't prepare you for this and you never know when it is going to happen. In the beginning, I thought he could just succumb to his cancer at anytime not realizing that it slowly overtakes the body and organs shutting them down. I mean I guess you can say I did KNOW this, but for some reason I had this irritational fear that it would happen super quick.

While he was in hospice my mom talked to a family member that had been through this before and she said that the hospice nurse informed them that normally the patient will spike a really, really high fever before dying. It usually is right before the body starts to shut down.

One night his Mom and I found him in bed burning up. It was the highest fever I have ever seen on a person and it scared me, but knowing this was part of the process actually made me less anxious than I think I would have been had I not known this would happen. We called the hospice nurse and she told us to put cold towels on him. I remember he was talking and not making much sense at that point.

The next day the fever had lifted and he would go in and out of making sense when he was talking. He did say a few things during this time though that I will never forget and I will always respect those wishes. I knew we didn't have much time at this point and it was apparent his body was shutting down.